“The thing that is really hard and really amazing is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” ~ Anna Quindlen
Most of us are pretty comfortable with disappointing ourselves. We are used to it.
We promise ourselves we’ll lose the weight, we’ll make it to yoga class, we’ll eat better, we’ll prioritize time for quiet and connection to God, we’ll start exercising…and it doesn’t happen, we don’t follow through, we give up.
But disappoint others?
That is an area very few of us are good at– because, of course, we aren’t supposed to be “good” at that, are we? When have we ever been taught that the skill of disappointing others is necessary in living an extraordinary life?
Or we hear that “you can’t please everyone” and we nod in agreement but somewhere in the back of our minds the people we imagine we’d have to disappoint are people we don’t think highly of or care much about.
But the whole “you can’t please everyone” truth applies to people we love. People we admire. People we want approval of. People we deeply care about. It’s hard to disappoint these people. It sends us into full blown shame swamps, anxiety forests and insecure deserts.
I’ve been in the focus-frenzy mode preparing for my upcoming series, Teach Your Life to be Extraordinary.
I’ve never created course material so intimately on my own growth edge before. This is the stuff I work through all the time in my own life.
In particular, I’ve had to make hard decisions in the past few months to get my work back in alignment with my life- which has meant disappointing people…and people I really care about.
And that is hard to sit with. For me, it has taken tremendous internal strength and trust. I’ve been on my knees leaning on God’s guidance.
Making the hard decisions is just hard. Sometimes there is no way around that.
But you also come to realize that discerning where you need to pull back, taking back commitments that aren’t aligning, and saying no when you need to- in the end, it creates space and freedom and peace. But the process can test your resolve and give you opportunities to know yourself more deeply than ever.
Along the way, you won’t get everything right. You’ll make mistakes. You’ll have to say,
“I’m sorry- I over-committed.”
“I’m sorry- I steered the ship we were both on in dangerously low waters and we need to back pedal a little.”
“I’m sorry- I’m choosing a different path.”
“I’m sorry- I really thought I could do this, but I can’t.”
And perhaps most importantly, it is the grace toward yourself that will strengthen you to keep moving forward.
The words said to yourself,
“It’s ok, you made a mistake. You’re doing your best to right it from this point forward but you’re not going to beat yourself up over mistakes…they are reminders that you’re growing and heading toward brighter, wiser places.“
…those words are just what might make this messy, wonderful journey back home to yourself all the softer and kinder road to be on.
Are there places in your life where you have over-committed? Where you have said yes, but it isn’t working anymore and you may need to find a way to say no?
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic, leave a comment and share this post.
And, of course, if you’d like to join me for the 3 week class series beginning July 30 which is exploring a new path of passion and prosperity….of priorities and purpose….of meaning and motherhood…of authentic not perfect, you can get more information here.
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