Rambling Pages

On the dresser near my bed I have a notebook.  It’s not my journal, or my sketch book, or a place to jot down To-Do reminders.  It’s my rambling pages.  I use this book to help me process thoughts that are not completely formed or intentional or even reflective, but that need to be expressed…Here is what I mean:

photo by ((((i)))) ((((see)))) ((((you))))

There is a time as we drift off to sleep, and again as we wake in the morning (whether to an alarm, a baby, or by an inner stirring) when we are not fully conscious.  In these times thoughts run through our mind like water in a stream- mainly incoherent, some come from memories of our last night’s dreams, concerns and thoughts about the day ahead, or nagging issues we haven’t dealt with, others are seemingly random. 

Once we “begin our day” and more consciously direct our thoughts, we may never think of these images, words, emotions– but they stay with us and influence us.  Like running water makes its mark on rock, these lucid thoughts influence the shape of our days; shifting the direction of our thoughts and impacting our moods.

There are also other times– right smack in the middle of our days– when we are feeling emotionally intense.  Maybe we are overwhelmed at the demands of caring for our little ones, or are upset with our spouses and a rush of thoughts spin in our heads.  It is hard to quiet or stop them and they can act like fuel to a fire– creating only more distress. 

If we do not give ourselves the opportunity to release those stored thoughts, emotions, feelings…they remain cluttering our minds and impacting our days. 

Giving yourself a rambling page solves this dilema.  Open a blank page and write.  ANYTHING.  The key is to tap into your stream of consciousness.  Whatever bubbles up or floats across your mind, just keep writing.  If you feel like stopping, make something up in order to keep the pen going.  The key to this practice is to keep your writing fluid and in motion in order to allow the thoughts to come out as they surface. 

If you stop and think about what to write, you have now entered a different state and are no longer opening the channel to your inner, more random, more deeply rooted thoughts.  This book should make no “sense” in normal journally terms.  It may contain things you are embarrased about, would never want another person to read, don’t really feel or think, or are disjointed and hard to understand.  That’s the point.  This isn’t the journal you would like to keep that allows you to reflect and preserve your inner thoughts.  This is a place just to get some stuff out of your head.

Later, when you are journaling or when your intense emotions have subsided, you may want to return to the pages and see what came out– or maybe you don’t.  I probably don’t intend to even keep this book.  Sometimes I’ll read through past pages and take some thoughts and weave them into my journal entries– sometimes I see patterns and choose to reflect more deeply on what may be happening under the surface…but mostly it is just rambling and it serves its purpose just for being that. 

These days,  I tend to jump up first thing in the morning to the sound of my littlest one letting me know she is awake (and hungry!).  Since I need to pop up and start being Mommy first thing it’s more of a challenge for me to spend a few minutes doing this in the early hours.  But I still use it often for times in the day when I need to just release onto paper some of the build up that is mucking up my mind.   Consider setting aside for yourself a rambling book and let the stream of thoughts flow on out. 

Do you struggle with your mind getting “too full” of unproductive thoughts or feelings?  How do you manage and release that buildup?